Hi friends! I am so excited to start this journey, but I will be honest that I have been hesitant for some time to do this. I have thought about starting this site for the last year or so and after my trip to Europe, I decided one night that I was ready to do the damn thing! I will say that having support to start this has been the reason I feel like I can do this. Over the last year when I was contemplating doing it, I was holding back because of my fear to fail.
Also, the person I was dating previously was not supportive of my interest to start blogging and share my experiences through social media. Not having that support really held me back and made me feel ashamed and embarrassed about wanting to pursue this new journey.
However, I am now in such a happy and healthy relationship with a special someone who supports me no matter what I do – He even brainstormed names for my blog with me! Being with him has given me the courage to go for it and share my life with all of you – the ups and the downs.
In this post, I want to share with all of you my past experiences and how I have gotten to where I am today. During my senior of high school, 2012, I decided to take a class called nutrition. Everyone said how easy of an elective it was and that you got to cook every class, so in my mind it was a win-win. To give you some background, before my senior year of high school, I had some signs of low self-esteem but never acted on it. I was active in athletics; soccer, lacrosse, and then went full-time track and cross country junior year of high school. So I walked into my first day of senior year thinking this was going to be an easy year class wise. However, what I didn’t know was how my whole outlook of myself and others was about to change drastically. In nutrition, the teacher would tell us about forbidden foods, counting calories, over exercising to compensate for food, and all of those distorted thoughts I came to believe. At the end of senior year, I found myself lashing out, hiding from others, and always thinking about how I could get skinnier.
After the summer of 2012, I was headed off to North Carolina to attend UNC Wilmington. At this time, I was probably at my sickest point. I was counting everything I put into my body, forcing myself to do at least an hour of cardio at the gym, and stay as introverted as possible. I also experience some very negative roommates in my time down there, which didn’t help the state I was in mentally, emotionally and physically at the time. In October of 2012, my mom booked me a flight to come home for the weekend because I was homesick. However, I didn’t know I wouldn’t be going back North Carolina. My mom set up an appointment with my therapist and her to talk about how I was doing being so far from home. However, the appointment ended with my mom and I both in tears and me accepting the help I so badly needed to get my life back.
A few days later, I started an outpatient program near my house that required me to give up all of my control with food and eat everything the program and my mom would give me. I also had to get my vitals checked daily, as well as see the programs doctor to make sure my organs were continuing to function correctly. I was in this program for about 2 months and then started seeing the doctor and nutritionist weekly but on my own time with my mom. I was allowed to go part-time back to school at a local university because I didn’t want to fall behind. Towards the spring of 2013, I felt like I could actually get my life back and go to college and live my life as a college student. I knew that I didn’t want to be far from home so I looked at schools that were not more than 3 hours from home. I found the right school for me and started as a sophomore at Marist College in August 2013.
I finished school on time with my friends of my year by taking summer and winter classes every year until graduation. I graduated Marist with friends I know will be in my life for a long time, as well as sense of accomplishment that I did it. I came so far from freshman year to graduation and couldn’t have done it without the support of my family and friends.
I am now 2 years out of school living in Hoboken, NJ working full time in merchandising in the city. I can say that I feel so happy to how far I have come since 2012 and I know that there is a lot more to life now than how many calories I am eating and how much I am exercising.
I am so excited to start this journey with all of you and continue to share my story. Some days are great and then others are not so great, but I promise to share it all with you!
Thank you for taking the time to read my story! Let’s do the damn thing!